Little Showers of Joy…..

tumblr_o4r8znjdL51sjodmuo1_r9_500            It was a bright, sunny morning today and the sea breeze from the main shore of carter road  flew generously through the lanes of Bandra. I wore my beige coloured frock which had small crimson flower prints. Like most of the days, this morning also I went out uptill the Pali Hill Market to get some bread, eggs, confectionery and some greens for the morning breakfast. I was carrying my lime yellow coloured  grocery basket with me to the market. I picked up few greens from the mausi on my way to the store. Bought some sweets and headed to the next store for getting some freshly baked breads from Ruby’s. Ruby’s also have a section of jar filled with candies and  sweets displayed at the counter. While I was there waiting for my bread to get packed, something strange happened right next to me,

Grubby feet, dirty hands and torn clothes,

matted unwashed hair and a dirt streaked face.

Yet on her face was an impish smile.

Her sparkling eyes peered over the counter expectantly

her tiny hands hardly reaching over the top.

He failed to notice her,she caught his attention with a knock

“Mr shopkeeper” she piped

he looked at her with a wistful smile

noticing how her hands cluched the one rupee lovingly

it was the most precious treasure for her,that he could see

“What do you want ? ” he asked

with the very same soulful eyes she looked back and asked

“Could i have some joy ? ”

something clutched painfully at his heart

something stuck in his throat

he poured every little candy he could in her little frock

and when she put the coin on the counter top

he gave it back and whispered no charge.

She looked up at him, more than words could say

the old man wept unabashedly in the corner that day…………

 

After the entire incident, I walked back home, made myself some sandvich and poured some coffee, sat across the window with my book and went back on the entire incident to pen it down in my diary. There is always some story to take away with you, only if you pay attention. Today I took away this….

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Of Love, Pain and Courage

It was terrible. On a pleasant December night few years back, I woke up with a shiver, sweating in anxiety on my bed, brushing my hands hurriedly on the bed next to me. It felt like all of a sudden unexpectedly I lost grip of my hand and fell inside a deep valley. The depth of the valley seemed endless. I kept falling for hours. Where was I going ? I didn’t know. It was in that process of falling that I woke up with a jerk. It was dark, I could see the bright moonlight falling on the beige sheer cotton curtains of my window. The curtains stood still, as if they could see me, as if they knew what was happening to me. Everything around was a pin drop silence. I looked around with a staring gaze, why wasn’t anything moving ? Why was it suppose to be so calm, as calm as death. I couldn’t feel anything, I was numb. As numb as the still air could be. I think I was waiting for this silence to occur. I screamed. I wailed. Made noises as hard as I could in anguish. These noises helped me to take my demons out. From my eyes I could only see my entire room inundated with water. Everything was floating. The table, the wall, the lamp, the study. After a long time I blinked my eyes and heavy drops of tears rolled down from both my eyes upto my chin and below,  wetting my thin comforter. I asked myself , What had I ever done to deserve this? Why was this chosen for me after all my sacrifice. Why me ? My little heart  was naive, innocent, fragile, then why did he abandon my love after five long years ? I kept looking for answers, got none. Days were slow and nights were crawling.

This phenomena kept recurring to me at its own whims and fancies. As if I had no control over it. As if I was being tested every single day. The only thing that differed was intensity of the pain. It kept coming back reminding me of the harsh reality of him betraying me. I decided to stop  running from it and face it head on. I kept facing it everytime, everyday. Like they say feel the pain until it hurts no  more. I did the same. And it was working indeed. Gradually in 2 years or so that pain was settling down on the surface of my skin. I could feel it. They say time heals everything. May I contradict, time doesn’t heal anything, maybe we just get used to the pain. But thanks to that event in my life and the massive heartbreak, I came out as a completely new person. It felt like a rebirth of myself. One best thing about enduring pain is, it helps you grow which no other institution of knowledge probably can ever bestow upon you. I’ve always heard of these quotes, there’s always a silver lining in the darkclouds or there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Provided you wish to have faith in that light and move ahead to find the light.

Even today I keep brushing my hands next to my bed like I was searching for that one warm hug by my mother during my most demanding times who’s gone long time back.